Everyone knows how important orgasms are for both men and women. When having sex with someone, you want them to orgasm. You want them to have the best sexual experience with you – it’s normal. But sometimes, orgasms aren’t that easy for women to achieve. A good way to encourage the big O to come your way? Female orgasm denial.
When you orgasm, it helps relieve stress, increases your immune system, and even helps to give you a good night’s sleep.
Have you ever seen your partner pass out right after having sex? It’s all because of their orgasm.
Even if an orgasm didn’t have these benefits, it feels amazing regardless. That’s why it makes sense to be looking for experiences that boost orgasm potential and take you from 0 to 100 every time.
The elusive female orgasm
Do you regularly orgasm? Be honest. Not every woman does, in fact, most women don’t.
Many women struggle to orgasm through penetration alone and need a little extra clitoral stimulation to get close. Other women can’t orgasm with a partner but can hit the high notes when they’re on their own, enjoying a spot of masturbation.
The problem is that the female orgasm needs the right conditions and it also needs time to build.
If your mind is somewhere else or you’re just not in the right mood, it’s not going to happen no matter how hard you try. Also, many women need a good period of manual stimulation before they feel an orgasm building.
Of course, this isn’t every woman; you might be someone who’s orgasming every single time. If that’s the case, good for you!
However, if you’re not that person and you find it a little harder, don’t despair. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you’re actually amongst the majority.
In that case, experimenting with new ways to reach your climax is a good idea. So, why not give female orgasm denial a try and see if it can help you to achieve stronger and more regular orgasms?
Female orgasm denial? Why deny yourself an orgasm?
If you know how amazing orgasms are, you probably wonder why someone would be interested in female orgasm denial? Why would anyone want to deny themselves the ability to have an orgasm? Are they crazy? Well, they’re actually not crazy.
In fact, they may be onto something.
Though we think an orgasm is essential for amazing sex, also holding back from having one can also be just as pleasurable.
When you can’t have something, you want it even more. The tension and the build-up is overwhelming. The more you hold off on something, the stronger it is when it happens.
Can you see what we’re getting at here? Basically, by stopping just on the brink, you’re encouraging a stronger wave of pleasure moments after, building with each denial phase.
So, let’s learn more and perhaps help you get started with your own denial cycle!
What is female orgasm denial exactly?
Let’s break it down to understandable points.
Basically, orgasm denial is when one person refrains from orgasming. We know that sounds a little vague, but there are different ways a woman denies an orgasm. It really depends on if she’s the one denying herself or if her partner denies her one.
As we said before, you work yourself up to the brink, or your partner does and recognizes the signs that you’re about to orgasm, and then you stop. You wait for a few seconds for the urge to pass, and then start with the pleasure once more.
Then, you stop again.
You wait, You do it again and again, until you’ve reached the point when you can’t take anymore and you finally allow *or they allow* that orgasm to crash into your very core. And crash it will.
Female orgasm denial is connected to an exchange of power
Female orgasm denial is connected to a power exchange between the couple. For many couples, they choose to practice orgasm denial by allowing one person control over the other.
The submissive must follow their partner’s rules.
Of course, everything is spoken and agreed upon before sex and everyone knows the limitations to the dominant’s control.
Think about 50 Shades of Grey and you’re close to the mark. It’s control over one partner by deciding whether or not they deserve their orgasm at that time.
The person desperate for release has no clue whether or not their partner is going to grant them the chance to enjoy their orgasm at that moment or not, and the anticipation can be totally overwhelming – in a good way.
Be sure to start slow and build up carefully
If this is your first time trying female orgasm denial, our suggestion would be to take it nice and slow.
This isn’t a competition. Plus, it’s new for both of you. You and your partner need to figure out what you both like and dislike, altering the rules as you go.
The first couple of times may be awkward, but that’s only because you try to figure out what works for you.
If you’re the submissive, you need to know how your body works. Take some time on your own to figure out which masturbation technique suits you the best; if toys help or if you prefer fingers. You also need to know where the edge is when you’re about to cum. So, get to know your body and the feeling of just when you’re about to orgasm.
Put in the effort to start controlling your orgasms
This is called orgasm denial for a reason. If you’re submissive, you need to be able to control your orgasms. Your partner helps you get to the point where you’re about to edge, but you're really the only one who knows when you’re going to orgasm.
So, when you’re alone and masturbating when you feel yourself about to orgasm, stop.
In the beginning, you may not be able to control your orgasm which is perfectly normal. It’s very hard to do and you need a lot of discipline and concentration. But your goal, as you continue to practice, is to get to the point where you deny yourself an orgasm two or three times.
Of course, your partner also needs to be able to recognize the signs, especially if they’re going to be the one in control. Play together and let your partner know when your orgasm is about to hit. Then, they can observe the signs and know when you’re about to climax.
Learn to communicate in bed for a powerful experience
If you’re not bothered about who’s dominant or the submissive in bed, and just want to experience female orgasm denial as a couple, learn to communicate.
Just as you feel a wave of an orgasm building up, let your partner know, so they can slow down the penetration or stop moving altogether, while you control your breathing and calm yourself down.
Once the wave of an impending orgasm starts to recede, you can let your partner know so they can continue arousing you or penetrating you. All the way until you feel your next orgasm build up.
Communicate well, and in time, and both of you can learn to delay the orgasm as a couple, and experience a tidal wave of orgasms when you both decide to let go and cum together.
Female orgasm denial works best when you deny yourself *or you’re denied* several times
If you’re able to deny yourself an orgasm, it works to your benefit. The longer you hold off, the more likely you’ll have an even stronger and more intense orgasm. See what we mean? A little practice pays off big time.
So, don’t just deny once. Start off with two times. Then, when you’re comfortable, work up to three or four.
You’ll know when you reach the point where you can’t take anymore and at that stage, let it go. Literally. The force will be extreme and your orgasm will be much deeper as a result of holding back for so much longer. You know what they say, when you want something badly, it’s good to wait so you appreciate it more!
Basic tips for trying female orgasm denial
If you want to try female orgasm denial for yourself first, you’ll need a few tips on how to get started. Then, you can involve your partner. Or, if you prefer, you can start the journey together and see where it leads.
1. The basic edging position
If you’re alone, this is how to practice. Sit on either your bed or a chair, whichever is more comfortable. You’ll want your legs spread open and then you’ll want to masturbate.
It’s the traditional masturbation position. When you try to deny an orgasm, you want to keep it simple in the beginning.
2. Use other parts of your body
You don’t only have to focus on your vagina when edging. Grab your breasts, suck on your fingers, rub your thighs—whatever helps you become aroused, give it a try.
Don’t limit yourself to just your vagina. Your body is extremely sensitive when aroused, so try different methods out.
3. Choose someone you trust as a partner
Female orgasm denial is very intimate and needs a lot of patience.
You don’t want to do this with someone who actually doesn’t care about you and your needs. You want someone who wants to help you and really act like a true dominant. So, make sure you choose a person you trust.
4. Try using sex toys
You can also use sex toys while trying to edge. If you already mastered edging with your fingers, add in a sex toy for some extra pleasure. There’s no actual rule as to how you deny an orgasm, you do what feels good for you.
Think of orgasm denial as a tool
Though it’s a pleasurable activity, think of female orgasm denial as a tool for receiving pleasure. Through female orgasm denial, you increase your tolerance for stimulation, control your orgasms, and orgasm on demand. These sexual pleasures not only do wonders for you, but they also turn on your partner.
Usually, orgasm denial is often used in BDSM. This is because, with denial, there’s usually a dominant and a submissive. The submissive is denied the orgasm, while the dominant denies it. So, this is why it’s used within BDSM, but you can also do it on its own. You could even try using a chastity belt.
Now, we’ve never seen a chastity belt in real life, so we don’t know how to actually use one. But, what we do know, is that many people who indulge in female orgasm denial use a chastity belt to do so. This is a little more intense since you’re unable to even access your genitals. This usually makes the act more interesting and arousing.
Whether you have regular orgasms or you struggle, female orgasm denial could be a tool you can use to help you achieve mind-blowing climaxes far more often. It can even bond you and your partner together more closely, since you’re sharing experiences that only the two of you are privy to.
Give it a go. Worst case? Female orgasm denial is not for you.