If you’re new to kissing or are just insecure about your abilities in general, we can help. The great thing about being intimate with someone is that you can learn how to be a good kisser even if you’re awful at it. It’s a skill just like any other. All great kissers once sucked at it.
If you do suck at it, don’t worry, not many people will actually tell you if you’re a lousy kisser *if they do, drop them*.
While kissing isn’t everything, it comprises a large portion of how couples show affection to one another. When you like and especially when you love someone, it’s second nature to kiss them.
If you don’t have much experience before, it’s okay to be awful at it *you’ll eventually get better!* Even if you think you’re good, you can still benefit from some of these secrets.
What is in a kiss?
A kiss is the first sign that someone is really into you, it’s the confirmation sign that takes away all the confusion of ‘does he/she like me or not’. But what makes someone a good kisser? And how do you tell if the rest of their kisses are going to be great?
The first kiss can be a make-or-break deal, because what do you do if they’re a terrible kisser? Do you stick with it and hope they improve? Think that you can teach them your preferred way with a little instruction?
Of course, it’s fun to try, but a good kiss is the benchmark of pleasure, so it’s not something you should be cutting corners on!
It can be a terrible letdown when you finally get to that first knee-trembling kiss moment. They’re moving closer, they’re leaning in, they’re going to do it finally! And then, yeah, nothing. A poor kiss can be worse than no kiss at all.
Everyone enjoys different kisses
The thing is, understanding what makes someone a good kisser is all about preference and opinion. We’re all different, and we all like to kiss and be kissed in different ways.
In addition, certain kisses fit certain situations. So, if you’re in a heat of the moment passionate embrace, the kiss needs to fit the bill.
It’s no good being all soft and gentle when you’re about to rip each other’s clothes off! Perhaps what makes someone a good kisser is also about knowing what type of kiss to give at the right time.
Oh, it’s so confusing!
Do you think you’re a good kisser? You’re obviously nodding your head that you are, but you’ve never kissed yourself so how can you be sure? It’s a worrying thought that you might not be as good as you think you are.
Why is being a good kisser essential in a relationship?
While it’s not a requirement, learning how to be a good kisser will benefit your relationship in the long run. You kiss your partner whenever you feel happy, you want to make them feel loved, or whenever you want to make love.
So essentially, improving your kissing skills will make your relationship more intimate than possible.
You might not even realize that your partner or date could be shying away from intimate acts with you because of your ordinary kissing skills. They usually don’t tell you to avoid hurting your feelings.
If you’re a newbie in the dating world, it’s normal not to have the best kissing skills. It takes a little bit of practice, but you’ll get there eventually!
How to know if you’re an awful kisser
People who think you suck at kissing don’t usually tell you. It would hurt your feelings and obviously if they’re kissing you, they don’t want to make you feel bad.
But that can also make it difficult to know if you’re skilled or if you suck face like a fish. Here are some signs you’re a bad kisser.
1. People end things after you’ve kissed
Have you ever been dating someone and everything was going great up until that first kiss or make-out session? After that, they dump you and don’t really explain why.
The reason behind this could be because of your kissing skills. All it takes is one kiss for a person to know if you’re able to give some lip action.
2. They avoid kissing you
This reason probably sucks if you’re in a relationship, but it happens. Does your partner only ever give you little pecks and they don’t really like making out with you? This might be because they like you… but not your kissing.
Don’t take it too personally; it’s not the end of the world just because you’re awful at it. Like we said earlier, you can always learn how to be a good kisser!
3. Nobody’s ever told you that you’re good
Someone who’s a good kisser will be told they are. Your significant other will get really happy and just tell you how great you are.
If you’ve had a few flings and dates but nobody’s ever directly told you that you’re a good kisser, then start thinking about why. Maybe it’s because you’re pretty average at it or not that good.
4. You feel like you’re bad
If you just have a feeling that you’re not good based on past experiences or partner reactions, then you might not be.
However, keep in mind that we all have tendencies to downplay our skills – especially if you have insecurity issues. After all, nobody criticizes us as severely as ourselves.
5. You’ve never kissed before
Before you rode a bike, you weren’t very good at it. The same goes for kissing. While some people may be naturally great at it on their first try, that’s certainly not the norm.
You really shouldn’t feel bad if this is the case as you can’t be exceptional at something overnight. You’re awful at kissing on your first try – that’s okay! You’ll get around to your kissing skills eventually.
How to be a good kisser and wow someone instantly
If you want to learn to kiss better and transform yourself into a good kisser, we have some tips. Just remember that every person is different and what one person doesn’t like, another might love. Use these tips and adjust according to what each person seems to like best.
1. Slow and steady
You know what they say – slow and steady wins the race. In this case, you definitely don’t know how to be a good kisser if you’re rushing through the end. We assure you, that’s not how the best and most memorable kisses happen.
Don’t rush into the kiss.
Many romantic movies show a fast-paced passionate kiss, but that’s not where you should be getting tips from. Instead, move slowly. Let the anticipation build, just don’t go so slow that your partner gets annoyed.
When you do finally kiss, keep it simple and deepen it slowly. Why? It gives you both enough time to understand each other’s kissing styles instead of just clashing teeth!
2. Be gentle
Allow your lips to graze theirs and apply the slightest bit of pressure. Not only is this universally liked, it also builds the sexual tension and allows for a more passionate progression.
There’s no reason to be rough and fast with the kiss unless you’re at a party. If you’re serious about knowing how to be a good kisser, be gentle in kissing them. Make them get lost in the softness of your lips.
3. Make them want just a little bit more
This requires some self-control but if you can do it, they’ll think you’re an incredible kisser. Sometimes it’s not just about how you kiss, but how you don’t kiss.
Tease them a little and leave room for mystery in that kiss. This is how you leave them wanting more, and it’s that simple tease that also makes you a great kisser.
4. Let your lips read theirs
This might sound a little odd but it works. By this, we mean to let your lips feel what theirs are doing. Kissing isn’t just a one-person event. Kissing is a little bit like your lips are mimicking their movement and colliding with theirs.
It’s what makes a slow, passionate kiss feel so good and magical. So let your lips curve into theirs. Don’t force the kiss to do anything specific. The more you force it, the more boring it’s going to become.
5. Use your hands
This is an essential tip on how to be a good kisser, so pay attention. In movies, you know how when two people get lost in the kiss, their hands travel from the other person’s face to their hair to their body? Use the same tactic when kissing someone.
The best thing you can do is caress their face with your hands – or even just one hand.
Gently pull them into you with your hands and when you’re actually kissing, use your hands to divulge just how much you want them.
Pull them in by the waist, and let your fingers dig into them a little. Make your hands show how urgent the kiss is while your lips remain soft.
6. Keep your lips soft and moisturized
Believe us, if you have cracked, dry lips, the other person can tell and it’ll be a huge turn-off. It really doesn’t take much to do this. Always hydrate yourself and keep a lip balm or moisturizer with you at all times!
You’ll thank us later when you end up kissing your date or partner!
7. Keep your breath fresh
Sometimes breath doesn’t matter but if you’ve just been eating something that doesn’t smell the greatest, pop in a piece of gum or a mint.
Use breath freshener spray; your date will appreciate you doing this when your lips end up locking. Having pleasant breath can actually make a huge difference in the quality of a kiss.
8. To be a good kisser use your tongue sparingly
Tongues can make the kiss very erotic, but too much will be gross and unwanted. Before you can use your tongue, make sure you’ve at least made out a little bit before. Your partner needs to be comfortable around you.
Also known as the french kiss, it takes a lot of courage, comfortability, and practice to master this kiss. But if you do manage to do this trick, you’ll definitely become a very good kisser and give them the best kiss of their life.
9. Throw some biting in there
You have to be careful with biting because if you do it too hard or your partner isn’t into it, it’ll make things awkward. But if you’re looking to up the passion, grab their bottom lip between your teeth very gently and not for long.
It’ll make your partner or date feel so good that they’ll get lost in this kiss altogether!
10. To be a good kisser practice, then practice more
Practice makes perfect, right? The more experience you have, the better you get at becoming a very good kisser. So if you have a partner, just practice kissing them as much as you can.
Not to mention, it’s always fun to kiss your partner as it keeps the happy hormones coming into your body! Keep kissing them until you get the hang of it eventually.
11. Always get consent
If you’re planning on making a move, it’s important you ask for consent. We know you may be thinking that it doesn’t sound sexy, but you make consent sound as sexy as you want. If there’s sexual tension and chemistry, whispering, “can I kiss you?” is very hot.
Once you have consent, then go in for the kiss.
12. To be a good kisser stay away from garlic
And other smelly foods. We mentioned keeping your breath fresh and using mints but if you eat strong-smelling foods or garlic, even a mint won’t help you.
For a good kissing experience, stay away from garlic a day or two before the big kiss. Not many people appreciate the smell of garlic second-hand.
13. Work the erogenous zones
Kissing is more than just the lips. Your body is made up of many erogenous zones that are stimulated by touch. During a makeout session, suck their earlobes, kiss their neck, caress their inner thighs, and massage their scalp.
Those areas are where the nerve endings are and will arouse your partner even more.
14. Feel the way they like to be kissed
There’s no textbook way to kiss someone. Some people like a lot of tongue; others don’t. What you need to do to be a good kisser is try to get a feel of how they enjoy being kissed. Your partner will also show you how they kiss, so pay attention.
15. To be a good kisser show some passion
Don’t stand there like a stick. If you’re aroused, show your partner. Touch them, get into it.
It’s okay to become a little wild when you are kissing just as long as it’s mutual. If you want to have a passionate kiss, you need to give it your all.
16. Be in the moment
The problem with many people when they kiss is that they’re planning the next five steps ahead. A makeout session doesn’t mean you’re going to have sex, and you should never assume that. Plus, by thinking about that, you’re distracting yourself from the moment, and you don’t want to do that.
If you want to know how to be a good kisser, be in the moment, and the kiss will be amazing.
17. To be a good kisser take the lead
Many people are afraid to initiate a makeout session, but why? If you know they want to kiss you and vice versa, then why not kiss them? Of course, if you try to kiss them and they dodge you, apologize and move on.
But, pay attention to the signals. It could be that they're shy.
18. To be a good kisser focus on your partner
If you want to have a good kissing experience, you need to pay attention to your partner. They’re not a robot; they’re someone with feelings and emotions.
If you decide to nibble their earlobe or lick their neck, pay attention to how they react. Everyone is different; if they enjoy what you’re doing, you’ll notice right away.
19. To be a good kisser close your eyes
We’ve seen people kiss with their eyes open, and honestly, it’s a scary sight. Why aren’t you closing your eyes when you kiss? There’s no good answer to that question. When you close your eyes, you’re blocking out one of your senses, making the others heighten.
Close your eyes – you’ll feel more when you do.
20. Be honest with the kiss
If you’re not enjoying kissing them, don’t be afraid to say something. Okay, you don’t need to say, “I don’t like kissing you,” but you can stop and suggest trying it again. You’ve never kissed them before, so this is as new to you as it is to them.
Mood and timing are also important things to consider if you want to plant a memorable and pleasurable kiss on your partner’s lips. So get your pre-game on by setting the mood first. Be pleasant and attentive while maintaining eye contact as you talk.
Flirt a little and turn your partner on with subtle gestures and innuendos. You can lean in closer and touch your partner or hold their hand. Look at their eyes, lower your voice, or just stop talking and close the distance with a gentle smooch.
If they don’t pull back, hold the moment and give them your most passionate kiss.
22. To be a good kisser be confident
All good kissers are calm and confident that they know what they’re doing—even if they’re also a little jittery inside. How you carry yourself is always attractive and a major turn-on, and you can channel this to your kissing skills to impress your partner.
Even if it’s your first kiss, you can still channel confidence by practicing beforehand and by moving your lips smoothly. Trust us, when you are confident and really into it, your mouth and lips will have a mind of their own.
To be a good kisser, just feel the moment and don’t ruin it with your insecurities and fears.
23. Less is more
If you don’t know what to do, it’s best to stick to the idea that “less is more.” You don’t have to create fireworks with your mouth or use your tongue like you’re twirling a cherry stem. Even if you know every kissing trick in the book, you don’t really have to try it all at once.
You’ll just end up making your partner feel like you’re giving him or her some oral detailing.
Try to stick to the basics as much as you can, and just make the sensations turn you and your partner on. Start off small and this could even give you the most intense and intimate feeling ever.
24. No hickeys, please
Kissing doesn’t have to feel like you’re vacuuming your partner’s mouth, so don’t go for the hickey. It’s not romantic and it’s far from pleasurable. Remember, pro kissers don’t give their partners hickeys, not even on those hidden body parts.
First of all, it’s tacky, and second, you’re not teenagers anymore.
25. Choose the right type of kiss
It’s also about choosing the right type of kiss for the situation at hand. Some situations require fast and furious kisses, full of heat and passion. Some kisses need to be more gentle and reassuring. Some kisses need to move up and down the scale.
It’s about knowing which direction to go, and not choosing the completely wrong pace. Let’s face it, if you’re thinking you’re about to get hot and heavy and your partner kisses you all soft and gentle without any change in pace, you’re going to wonder if you’ve got it all wrong!
26. To be a good kisser build up the anticipation
Ah, the knee trembler. The single best type of kiss. A good kisser builds up the moment until it reaches a crescendo. This can be through verbal language, body language, looks, winks, and a general atmosphere of ‘I’m going to kiss you in a minute’.
It creates a sense of anticipation that knocks the breath out of you when it finally happens. A good kisser, an experienced kisser, knows that it’s as much about the anticipation as the actual kiss.
27. Use a little pressure
There is nothing worse than thinking that you’re kissing someone, but not being too sure because they’re barely making contact.
A good kisser gets the pressure just right, varying it according to the moment. Perhaps they start off gentle and fleeting, but it builds in pressure as you get more into the moment.
28. Vary your speed
Speed is important too. You don’t want to go too fast and leave the other person with a neck ache from trying to keep up, but you don’t want to go so slow that they get bored either. Just like the pressure point we just mentioned, it’s about choosing the right speed for the moment and varying it accordingly.
A good kisser knows to slow down when things might be getting too heavy, or speed up when things start to pick up pace.
29. To be a good kisser avoid the washing machine
Think back to your first kiss when you were young. Was it a little like a washing machine on a spin cycle?
A big part of what makes a good kisser is avoiding the washing machine move and going for something altogether more subtle!
30. Too much saliva is never a good thing
Another problem is too much of the wet stuff. A good kisser doesn’t feel the need to flood your mouth with their own saliva, and instead keeps it more about lip and mouth movement and caresses than swapping oral fluids.
31. To be a good kisser don’t be predictable
A good kisser doesn’t kiss the same way every time, they know that they need to mix things up a little and keep it exciting.
This alternating technique method means that there is a different kiss for every situation, and a sense of exciting anticipation before every kiss.
32. Leave them wanting more
The final step in learning how to be a good kisser is to leave them wanting more. Stop a few seconds before you really want to and you’ll leave them open-mouthed and desperate for you to kiss them again.
Smile in a slow and sexy way and they’ll be desperate for the next time you meet.
So, how to be a good kisser?
Lips, just as kissers, come in different forms. People also have different preferences when it comes to how they kiss and how they like to be kissed. The above list provides a great guide to being a good kisser.
However, if you want to be a great kisser, you also have to be sensitive about what your partner likes at the moment, which is the most important of all.
Knowing how to be a good kisser comes with experiencing and knowing your partner well. Don’t try to rush the experience, enjoy every second of the kiss, and most importantly, make them feel loved. That’s how you give the perfect kiss.